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Healthy Relationships - Equality
Wheel

Trust and Support - Both partners
encourage each other's goals, acknowledge talents and strengths, value feelings
and opinions even when different from their own, respect privacy, and listen
non-judgementally.
Non-threatening Behavior - Both
partners talk and act so the other feels comfortable expressing his/her opinions
and making his/her own decisions. Both always feel safe around the other.
Sexual Safety - Both partners
are able to say "no" to any sexual behavior they are not comfortable
with, honor and respect each other's sexual decisions, communicate about sex,
and practice"safe sex" if sexually active.
Financial/Economic Independence
- Both partners control their own money and have equal control of household
money. When gifts are given, they are given freely and without expectation for
anything in return. There are no demands for money or material items.
Negotiation and Fairness -
Both partners have equal decision-making power and are willing to compromise.
Rules and agreements are made together and apply equally to both.
Responsible Parenting - Both
partners communicate and make responsible decisions about pregnancy. If parenting,
both share responsibilities and are positive, non-violent role models for children.
Honesty and Accountability
- Both partners accept responsibility for their own actions, acknowledge mistakes
and admit when wrong, communicate openly and truthfully, trust each other and
are trustworthy.
Connections with Others -
Both partners maintain friendships and family relationships, enjoy activities
outside of their relationship and make their own decisions about where they
go, what they do and who they are with.
Unhealthy Relationships
- Power & Control Wheel

Intimidation and
Threats
- Using looks/actions/gestures/voice
to scare partner
- Throwing/smashing
things, showing weapons, destroying property, punching walls or other objects
- "Play fighting"
that is meant to show strength and power over partner
- Threatening to
hurt partner or someone s/he cares about
- Threatening to
commit suicide
Emotional/Verbal
Abuse
- Constant criticism,
name-calling, put-downs
- Playing mind games
- Embarrassing or
humiliating partner
- Guilt-trips
- The "silent
treatment"
- Spreading rumors
or telling secrets
- Insulting partner's
race or heritage
- Damaging partner's
personal property
Sexual Coercion
- Manipulating partner
into sex, including using guilt trips or threats
- Unwanted touching
- Pressuring partner
for sex
- "Playful"
use of force during sex
- Treating partner
like a sex object
- Sexual harassment
- Drugging someone/having
sex while they are too drunk or high to make a clear decision about whether
they want to have sex
Financial/Economic
Abuse
- Preventing partner
from getting/keeping a job
- Keeping partner
on an allowance
- Making partner
give you his/her money
- Using someone
for their money
- Expecting sexual
acts in return for spending money are partner
Sexism
- Discrimination
based on gender
- Using the belief
that males are superior to females or that males have certain privileges that
females should not have, to justify controlling partner
- Being the one
to define male/female roles
- Expecting the
male to make all the big decisions
- "Rules"
for the relationship that are not the same for both partners
Using Children
- Pressuring partner
to get pregnant
- Using children
as a way of creating dependency
- Threatening to
take away children or not allow contact with children
- Hurting or threatening
to hurt the children
- Telling or threatening
to tell the children negative things about partner
- Threatening to
report partner to child welfare
Denying, Minimizing
and Blaming
- Denying the abuse
or acting like it is not that serious
- Not taking the
partner's concerns about the abuse seriously
- Saying the partner
"brought on" the abuse by something s/he did or didn't do or saying
s/he deserves the abuse
- Not taking responsibility
for one's own behavior
Isolation &
Extreme Jealousy
- Controlling who
partner is friends with, where s/he goes, what s/he does
- Separating partner
from family
- Not letting partner
work or be involved in his/her own activities
- Keeping constant
tabs on partner, including through pager or cell phone
- Accusing partner
of cheating as a way of manipulating him/her
- Using jealousy
to justify controlling behavior