Unhealthy
Relationships - Power & Control Wheel
Intimidation
and Threats
- Using
looks/actions/gestures/voice to scare partner
- Throwing/smashing
things, showing weapons, destroying property, punching walls or other objects
- "Play
fighting" that is meant to show strength and power over partner
- Threatening
to hurt partner or someone s/he cares about
- Threatening
to commit suicide
Emotional/Verbal
Abuse
- Constant
criticism, name-calling, put-downs
- Playing
mind games
- Embarrassing
or humiliating partner
- Guilt-trips
- The
"silent treatment"
- Spreading
rumors or telling secrets
- Insulting
partner's race or heritage
- Damaging
partner's personal property
Sexual
Coercion
- Manipulating
partner into sex, including using guilt trips or threats
- Unwanted
touching
- Pressuring
partner for sex
- "Playful"
use of force during sex
- Treating
partner like a sex object
- Sexual
harassment
- Drugging
someone/having sex while they are too drunk or high to make a clear decision
about whether they want to have sex
Financial/Economic
Abuse
- Preventing
partner from getting/keeping a job
- Keeping
partner on an allowance
- Making
partner give you his/her money
- Using
someone for their money
- Expecting
sexual acts in return for spending money are partner
Sexism
- Discrimination
based on gender
- Using
the belief that males are superior to females or that males have certain privileges
that females should not have, to justify controlling partner
- Being
the one to define male/female roles
- Expecting
the male to make all the big decisions
- "Rules"
for the relationship that are not the same for both partners
Using
Children
- Pressuring
partner to get pregnant
- Using
children as a way of creating dependency
- Threatening
to take away children or not allow contact with children
- Hurting
or threatening to hurt the children
- Telling
or threatening to tell the children negative things about partner
- Threatening
to report partner to child welfare
Denying,
Minimizing and Blaming
- Denying
the abuse or acting like it is not that serious
- Not
taking the partner's concerns about the abuse seriously
- Saying
the partner "brought on" the abuse by something s/he did or didn't
do or saying s/he deserves the abuse
- Not
taking responsibility for one's own behavior
Isolation
& Extreme Jealousy
- Controlling
who partner is friends with, where s/he goes, what s/he does
- Separating
partner from family
- Not
letting partner work or be involved in his/her own activities
- Keeping
constant tabs on partner, including through pager or cell phone
- Accusing
partner of cheating as a way of manipulating him/her
- Using
jealousy to justify controlling behavior